First do no harm... then bill me.

Note: cast matches basketball shorts.

Biting my tongue in order not to make obvious underwear joke.


Trips to Doctor in the past 30 days

1.Pediatrician for TH to see about a swollen finger injured while playing football
2. Children’s Health Clinic to X-ray finger.
3. Pediatric Orthopedist to advise and treat broken index finger.
4. Dentist with all 3 kids for semi-annual cleaning and exam.
5. Orthodontist for A-Hod’s monthly visit.
6. Pediatrician for annual physical for 2 sons (2 visits combined into one).
7. Radiology Department to have TH’s elbow X-rayed.
8. Emergency Room to have TH’s elbow splinted.
9. General Practitioner by me to have a cyst removed from my leg.
10. Back to same doctor 2 days later because cyst became infected.
11. Pediatric Orthopedist to re-check finger. While there he also checks elbow and determines that it too is broken and puts it in a cast.
12. Pediatric Orthopedist with Greg to check on the progress of his leg after operation last summer. X-ray of leg followed by X-ray of spine.
13. General practice doctor to get stitches out of my leg.

That’s 13 doctor visits in a 30 day period and since 2 were doubled up, it was actually 18 appointments. Fortunately I have medical and dental insurance but still that was $350 co-pays plus an installment payment of $191 a month for the braces. 30 days, 6 sets of X-rays, 4 prescriptions filled, 3 broken brackets, 2 broken bones, 2 lectures on proper dental hygiene, one god-awful infection = one stressed out mom . While at a wonderful gathering the other night, one of the guests (who doesn’t have kids) gave me a lecture on neglecting my own annual gynecological visits. Yes, I haven’t been in like 7 years. Shall I call today and schedule an appointment? I also blew off my last teeth cleaning.

One of the things she said was “well if you don’t take care of yourself then who the hell would take care of the kids when you’re gone?” That was certainly a wise thing to say. Don’t get me wrong, she was completely right, but I don’t think she has a clue to how sick and tired I am of going to the doctor almost every single day about something.

Mama's Rule

The idea for this entry came to me last night, thanks to 8 glasses of Sangria. I actually recorded it on an audio blog while driving home. The results of my genius can be heard on the Catfish blog: http://cliqueofone.blogspot.com/

I also ramble on in one of the audio blog entries about the people from Jersey going to the Oyster Bar, which was for the benefit of my son Greg, who thinks pronoucing Jersey "Joisey" is hilarious. Of course everytime I meet someone from Jersey I go into the old "Are you from Joisey, I'm from Joisey" routine which sends him over the edge.

There is a new rule around my house "Waist of Pants above the A-hole". It makes me nostaligic for all the rules around my house growing up "Don't hold the refrigerator door open" "Don't talk with food in your mouth" "Be quiet in Church" and my personal favorite, "Drink your milk". Yeah, right. Like I was going to drink that vile sour liquid. I would wait until no one was looking and dump it down the sink.

Fast forward to the year 2006, my house, 3 teen boys, one who thinks he is Jay-Z and you gotta be wit it and wear da pants, yo . I am getting a little tired of getting a eyeball full of his ENTIRE ASS! Really do not go up he stairs behind this guy. Now I don't mind kids trying to look cool, I understand the whole thing about teens needed to follow the trends. Hell I wore some ridiculous fashions myself- the bandana around the head with the flowing indian skirt was all the rage for us hippies. But I am just tired of all this ass, so I had to impose a household rule. If you want to wear your pants low, that's fine with me. But Mama has a rule "Waist of pants above the A-hole" if you know what's good for ya! Word.

Any thought that pops into my brain..

...no matter how stupid is, I'm putting down in my blog. Stay tuned.

Uncle Sam Wants Him?

I just got through registering Greg up at the Selective Service.

Draft registration in the USA was reinstated under President Carter in 1980, supposedly as part of the preparations for intervention by the USA in Afghanistan on the side of the Islamic fundamentalist warlords and mujahideen who were then fighting against the Soviet Union. I remember my friends freaking out. I was in 20 years old in college in 1980. The law was you have to register if you were born after January 1, 1960 and I was born in 1960. I had one hippie friend go completely crazy and decide not to sign up. I don't know what became of that. I remember being worried.

Apparently no one has been prosecuted for non-registration since 1986. 20 people have been prosecuted, most sent to work camps for 6 months.

It is also interesting that women have not had to sign up. Rostker v. Goldberg, 453 U.S. 57 (1981) upholds the Constitutionality of requiring men but not women to register for the draft. The "Universal National Service Act of 2003" failed to pass. (H.R. HR 4752 IH)

H. R. 163"To provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes."

http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=h109-4752

Related Bill:
http://www.congress.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c108:S.89:

http://www.hslda.org/Legislation/National/2003/S89/default.asp


Greg is just what Today's Army needs. And as long as they have Cartoon Network and Boomerang in his foxhole he'll be fine.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my oldest son's 18th birthday. Now this is certainly a difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around, that I have been a mother for 18 years. I cannot believe that I have an adult child now. June 22, 1988, I guess it was a long time ago, but I do remember the course of events very clearly. I worked until the day before my due date, which was June 11. After sitting around at home for 4 days, I was all done with the cleaning and chores, and ready to have the baby. However, he was 11 days late. Those 11 days were excruciatingly long and boring - I had no baby, no kids, no job and a clean house. I was not in any condition to go out and party or play a game of squash or inline skate. So I sat home and waited and answered the phone which every time it rang the question was "So did you have it yet? Is anything happening?" No! Waiting for your first baby is long enough, adding an extra 11 days was a torture I would not wish on any other expectant moms. But he was worth the wait.

The labor was a success in that my driving dedication to the concept of childbirth without drugs paid off in that I had the natural childbirth I had obsessively planned and worked toward. I actually had a cheat sheet of all the reason why I did not want to take drugs, to read to myself when the pain got really bad. And really bad it did get, but I had a determination to stick it out. I also had a wonderful nurse who was able to help me through the worst of it. It was surreal as I was in the final stages of labor, and I could look out the window at the rest of the world going about their day, going off to work. It was like I was in a completely different reality than they were. Along with preparing for the pain, I also prepared not to be in love with the baby right away. I had read that babies tend to pop out ugly, and red and to be prepared for that. Well my son came out looking honestly like a cherub. He had dark curly hair, big blue eyes, angel red lips and ivory skin. The shock was that something so beautiful came out of me!

Bill Bryson: Funniest Travel Writer Ever!

I am reading another Bill Bryson book, In a Sunburned Country,, which is his book about Australia. Over the years I have read 3 of his books: Lost Continent, Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe, and A Walk in the Woods. I can honestly say he is one of my favorite authors.

This guy makes me LLOL, Literally Laugh Out Loud, while reading. I swear his descriptions are hilarious. For example when in Canberra, he is explaining how unbearably boring and desolate it is:

In 1996 the prime Minister, John Howard, caused a stir after his election by declining to live in Canberra. He would, he announced, continue to reside in Sydney and commute to Canberra as duties required. As you can imagine, this caused an uproar among Canberra's citizens, presumably because they hadn't thought of that themselves."

ROFLMAO!

I try to pay attention while I am reading because he has such a great writing style: hilarious, descriptive, yet natural at the same time. I wish I could copy his admiral use of adjectives and adverbs, but alas it is a lot harder than it looks. This man can tell a story. He also makes fun of himself in a way that just cracks the reader up. He goes off on these trips, alone, and I guess he goes out to pubs and hopes to meet people and sits there and drinks beer and takes notes. Sometimes he drinks too much and can't understand his notes, such as one time his notes said:

Victoria Bitter--why called??? Not bitter at all. But quite nice!!!"

Anyway, if you have not checked out Bill Bryson's books, I recommend them highly. Lost Continent describes his journey following the same route his father used to take them around America when he was a kid, crammed into the back of the family station wagon. His descriptions of the American landscape are hysterical. He is especially disgusted with the endless strips of big box stores, fast food places, and unending parkling lot ugliness we have erected all over our country. One of the funniest parts is his visit to the Great Smoky Mtns and that tacky monstruosity called Gatlinburg. He loved it in a bad means good way.

The book about Europe is a must-read if you have ever done the Eurail Pass thing through Europe, like I did. A Walk in the Woods is his attempt to hike the Appalachian trail. It is tremendously informative about the history of this revered trail and what it requires to successfully hike it. Bryson and his very overweight couch-potato friend, Katz, the same guy he went to Europe with, try to avoid being attacked by bears as they trek uphill with 60 pounds of stuff on their backs. It has a bit of a sad ending, which I won't spoil here. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys knowing more about our land and a fast comical read. Although it is jampacked with information on the US Forest Service and its history, you can't put it down.

Now along with being funny, these books are also very informative. I am learning so much about Australia. I cannot believe how incredibly ignorant I have been about this continent. For example I had no clue that 80% of the population lives on 5% of the land. I was not aware of how many dangerous creatures that inhabit this land. Also I learned there is still a ton of gold out there. But how to get to it? You would burn up, and there are no gas stations or food. And you would never find your way back. And you would get killed by one of the many lethal creatures inhabiting the Land Down Under. But still I bet little boys growing up there dream about figuring out a way to overcome these deadly obstacles and get some gold and get rich.

Dental Worries

I took all 3 kids to the dentist this week. Once again I was scolded by the dentist for the state of Greg's mouth. He has some discolorations from when he was baby and his nutrition was compromised and when I asked about fixing that I was told not until his "home care" improves.

Talk about guilt. I let him brush his own teeth, but I need to supervise it more. The dentist told me I must get him to floss. Well he can't do it himself. He doesn't get it. So I tried to do it and I can't! He won't open his mouth. Now I am really worried about the future: gum disease, gum surgery, dentures. All of those wonderfully expensive and painful opportunities await out future if I don't get this under control NOW.

Last night I was able to put the floss through a few of his teeth, however I didn't want to go too hard and upset him, so I feel like my efforts were worthless. He won't use the SonicCare, he is afraid of it. Right now he has a battery powered Spiderman brush, which I guess is better than a plain toothbrush.

I have to force myself to deal with this now because the future is only going to be worse. On top of that he is starting to get to the point where he needs shaving and is petrified of the razor. I showed him an electric triple rotary razor- that won't hurt. He still says NO! He wants to keep his mustache, which I guess will be easier than shaving. But the sideburns look a little silly.

Just PASS ME already!

I've been riding my bike quite a bit and I go on the least trafficked roads I possibly can. My pet peeve is when a car comes up behind me and won't pass me. Rather they slow down and inch along so that they remain about a foot behind me. They match my speed, which at this point is excruciatingly slow.

When a car is coming up behind me, I get over to the right as far as possible, and slow down to a crawl, and look at the driver so they know I see them. I basically stop on my bike, praying not to fall over at a speed of Zero mph. They won't pass as if they are waiting for me to do something. So I keep waiting there at a standstill and inch over even more up into the grass or curb...still they hover there. COME ON ALREADY JUST GO so I can get back to my ride. This happened 3 times today. After several minutes of them not going, finally I have to wave them by me. It's usually a real pissy wave......like WTF are you doing buddy? Go already!?