Alpharetta, Georgia: How Do I Hate Thee?

....Let me count the ways.

Another hour in the car going nowhere fast. I live in a Northern suburb of Atlanta, close to Alpharetta called Suwanee. Although to most in-town dwellers, both places might seem the same, I can assure you they are not. Although there is traffic in Suwanee, it is typical for the area; the traffic in Alpharetta is always bad, the worst I have ever experienced. I don’t understand how anyone can stand living there.

Last week, I had to take my son to batting practice at 7PM. It was on Jones Bridge Rd. in Alpharetta. Even though I have been there 20 times, I mistakenly thought it was on Medlock Bridge Road. Could it be that even though I learned my “bridges” years ago, there is just so many bridge-named streets a brain can handle in a lifetime? I was on Abbotts Bridge when I turned left onto Medlock Bridge and sat in gridlock for about 30 minutes until I came up to State Bridge. That’s when it dawned on me that I must have passed the batting cages. With much difficulty and trying not to yell the “F” word too many times in front of the kids, I made a U-turn at one of Georgia’s most heinous intersections, the corner of State Bridge & Medlock Bridge. Finally I turned and head back to Abbotts Bridge, where I sat another 25 minutes crawling north until I reached Jones Bridge. It is almost as far as Kimball Bridge but not quite. If you followed that I don't know if I should be impressed or pity you. It took me 70 minutes to go 9.76 miles. According to Mapquest, this trip should take 14 minutes.


















State Bridge and Abbotts Bridge are one-lane roads between Medlock Bridge and Jones Bridge. There are thousands of homes and hundreds subdivisions all along these 4 streets, plus a few schools and businesses. This section is also called “Ocee Community”. There is no easy way in or out of that area, yet people keep flocking to live there and real estate prices keep rising. Not only are all of these roads one lane, this area is completely boxed in, with no fast access to any major highways. Since you are very far from I-85, I-75 and I-285, the only way out is Georgia 400, but you have to crawl over another bridge, either the one-lane disaster known as Haynes Bridge or its ass-deadening twin, Kimball Bridge.

This morning, my son had a dental appointment in that same area: I would never have chosen a business in that section, but it is the location of the only orthodontist on my dental insurance plan. I left my house at 7:15AM for an 8AM appointment, 9 miles away. I got there at 8:20AM- 65 minutes! Since my son had the CRCT (a State required standardized test) at 9:30, he could not afford to be late. By arriving so late, we didn’t leave the orthodontist enough time to do the work, so I had to re-schedule. Yeah, we drove all that way for nothing. What a wasted morning, what a waste of time, what a waste of gas! In hindsight I should have left before 7AM. The kid didn’t tell me about the CRCT until late last night, and if I had known sooner I would have cancelled in order not to be so frazzled about getting out of the appointment quickly.




I have no patience at all. I like to be on time. I am one of those people who would rather be early than late. For this reason I like to estimate how long it is going to take for me to get somewhere, and usually I hit the nail on the head. This morning I was way off – I tripled the time to get there when I needed to quadruple it plus add another 10 minutes! Now I have to go through the whole thing again next week, when we have rescheduled the appointment! I guess I’ll be leaving at 6AM for this 9:20 appointment!