Municipal Court

I have had the misfortune to go to municipal court 3 times over the past few years. It is mind-boggling how these sessions are run. The idea is to cram as many bad citizens as you can in a little room, give everyone a number and make them wait several hours for their name to be called. Professional court-goers know to show up 90 minutes early. If you show up on time, you are behind 200 other sinners.
The majority of the people at municipal court are minorities and immigrants. When the judge starts calling people forward, everyone can hear the loser getting reamed. This week, where I was at Suwanee Municipal Court, fighting an improperly transferred license plate fine, the judge was a real barrel of laughs. He said to some poor schmuck: "Where were you on December 6th? What do you think court date means? 6 months probation"! One man was wearing a tie, who knows maybe he was on his way to work? Well the judge decided to tell him off for wearing a tie: "I appreciate the tie, but it wasn't necessary, but I do appreciate the gesture. 6 months probation"!
The majority of the people there are trying to fight speeding tickets. Something that is quite impossible to do, due to lasers and radars clocking your speed. You cannot get out of a speeding ticket, contrary to all the popular myths circulating about this issue. What is confusing is that if you pay my mail, and avoid court, you lose the opportunity to plead Nolo, which I believe you can plead once every five years. This is supposed to somehow help with your car insurance company. So the only reason really to appear in municipal court to fight a speeding ticket would be to enter a plea of Nolo. A plea of "nolo contendere" means that the defendant neither admits nor disputes the charge, and is an alternative to pleading guilty or not guilty. This is also called a plea of no contest or, more informally, a "nolo" plea. "Nolo contendere" is Latin and literally means "I do not want to contend it." While not technically a guilty plea, it is made as a part of plea bargains and has the same effect as a guilty plea. For some reason the judge was lowering everyone's speed to 59-in-a-45, but not lowering the fine. This made me kind of mad because I paid my fine in advance, for a 63-in-a-45. Had I wasted the court’s time and mine and sat there for several hours, I could have gotten my speed lowered to 59 too, which may or may not impact my insurance premiums.
When I arrived 20 minutes early, I took my seat. There were already at least 100 dregs of society waiting. I was lucky to be sitting next to a very loudmouthed professional who collects speeding tickets as a hobby. First he says excitedly to all of us: "What are you here for? Speeding? Me too!! Where did they get you? Etc. etc" Then: "I was hoping my cop wouldn't show- then they have to throw it out- but that's my bastard cop over there with the glasses. Which one was your cop?" Myth number 1: The cops ALWAYS show! Suwanee has traffic court one night a week. They only have 3-4 cops, why would they not show up? In bigger jurisdictions, the police give out tickets with court dates based on their job schedule- that is, all of their tickets are scheduled for court at the same day and time.
The Mr. Professional Speeder had more tips for his captive audience: "Tell the judge your cruise control was on, that'll get you out of it". Okay. Then he told us all about a special strip that is illegal that you can buy in Canada that you put in your grill which jams the lasar. Okay, Canada here I come. He explained that although they are illegal, there is no way a cop will ever find it". I was loving this guy! A veritable fountain of wisdom! Then he started bragging about his radar detector. I told him that I read that the radar detectors do not work against laser and that Suwanee uses laser. He gave me this most excellent advice: "As soon as the device flashes "L", slam on your brakes! This worked for me today". I am telling you, we have got some real winners out there on the highways. About 5 of us had a great time discussing the nationally known speed traps in Duluth, as well as all our bad experiences in Duluth Municipal Court. A much bigger zoo than the one in Suwanee I might add. Honestly, I am embarrassed to say that I had a lot to contribute to that discussion!
Some people I have spoken to (mainly those who have managed to avoid municipal court) are not aware of the role of the solicitor. When you arrive and sign in, the clerk asks if you would like to speak with the solicitor. The solicitor is actually the prosecuting attorney and is NOT on your side. The way it works is that you can plead your case to the solicitor privately before seeing the judge. If the solicitor feels that your "story" is any good, he can recommend that the judge lower your fine or he can even throw the case out (rare). Usually, however, they tell you that your excuse sucks and good luck with the judge! In my case, with this not being a speeding ticket, rather a bureaucratic screw-up that resulted in me driving around for a year in an unregistered car, I was able to convince the solicitor of my innocence and he dismissed the case. I did not have to see the judge. He assured me that he NEVER dismisses a case. Actually when I first arrived in his office, he assumed I was there about the speeding ticket. He began lecturing me on what a bad mood the judge was in and that I should just give it up. I cannot imagine all the B.S. excuses these attorneys have to listen to. It must get tiring listening to an endless parade of us lawless lowlifes.

Happy Holidays everyone and watch your speed! Here's to a court-free 2007!