The Vacation continues

Third Day in Manhattan: Super-Tourists

I took the car out of the $40 Idiot Lot and we roamed around looking for a legal spot to park in. It was supposed to be easy since it was the weekend. The signs are very ambiguous and I have enough tickets to last a lifetime so it took awhile because I wanted to be 100% sure.

Then we walked around Lower Manhattan a bit and Tommy shopped at a huge music store. We went over to St. Paul’s Chapel, the famous church across the street from the World Trade Center. They have a September 11th exhibit inside the church. On display there are remnants of the cards and letters and photos they got from children around the world. My children sent letters and cards to the fireman from their classes and Cub Scout dens so it was educational for them to see those and this building with such an intense history. But Gregory really wanted to leave the church and warned me that we were “going to miss the Subway”.

ST. PAUL'S CHAPEL

We took the subway to Penn Station and then walked around 10 blocks to the Empire State Building,. They said there was an hour wait. I have never been to the top so I felt we should do it. I was in the basement once. My friend and I decided that since everyone goes up, we would go down.

The place was packed! It was this huge crowded line, but extremely organized with employees ushering the mobs of humanity to the proper place. Every time you thought you got somewhere, you were on a new line. As I was queuing to pay for tickets, an employee pulled me from the line (oh what did I do now?) and whisked the 4 of us away to a special VIP elevator. He explained that he had observed Gregory and was concerned that with his disability, all that waiting might be a burden. That is something that never happened to us before! So we got VIP treatment up to the top and missed the one hour wait!

Here are some pictures from the top of the Empire State Building:

Then the boys were begging me to go to Madame Toussauds Wax Museum in Times Square, tourist rip-off joint extraordinaire, royally overpriced. With coupons it was $102 for the 4 of us! As we were leaving the first room, there was a “Chamber of Horrors”. Gregory was absolutely freaked out and threw a major panic attack. He was not budging. He almost knocked down The Donald. He threw himself on the floor behind Nicholas Cage and John Travolta and was kicking and flailing, making a real scene. I told his brothers to finish the tour. Finally, as I was in tears, some employees helped us out and helped me to find the boys. After an argument, I was able to get a refund for the admission for me and Greg since we didn’t see anything

ANDREW WITH SHARON AND OZZY OSBORNE

ANDREW WITH SAMUEL L. JACKSON

TOMMY WITH WAXY DUDE SAMUEL L. JACKSON

Then we took another subway them to Washington Square Park. I wanted to go to the East Village to see the Punks, but H told me that the punks were run out of there by high housing prices. At Washington Square there was a contortionist that was unbelievable.- he folded his body into this tiny plastic box and walked on his but cheeks with his legs on his shoulders and stuff. The boys really, really enjoyed that. This guy was unreal.

WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK

It suddenly started raining. We tried for a long time to hail a cab. Finally a cab stopped. Some other people got in and started yelling at us to get out, that they had hailed the cab from the other side of the street, and it was their cab. The cab driver told them to get out, since he told them he stopped for us.

After that it was more walking around Times Square. My feet were shot at this point. We took the Subway back to our hotel to spruce up for the party at my friends house in our honor!

The party was beyond fabulous with a beautiful waiter, wonderful food and my best friends in the whole world! They had not seen the boys in a long time. The boys were very well behaved at this adult party. Greg got to pet Juanchi, my friends little dog. My sons were absolutely beside themselves over the Guacamole dip and said it was the best they had ever eaten.

2nd Day in Manhattan: The Museum of Natural History

Second Day in New York City

In the morning I head out to Long Island to pick up Gregory who had spent the last few days with my sister. Determined to drive properly in the city, I mapped out my route paying special attention to one-way streets on my map. Whoops, I didn’t realize Broadway only went south! I was going to head north on that. I just left and already I was driving in circles. I was heading to the Queens-Midtown tunnel. After the initial fiasco it was all going great. I was flying up First Avenue. There was a sign for the tunnel where I got in line to turn left and get on. I was waiting 45 minutes from that point to get onto the tunnel, one block away. People were cutting in. Finally it was our lanes turn to move. The man in front of me kept getting cut off and allowing it to happen. He seemed very non-aggressive and unable to move even when it was his turn. Finally he had a green light and the other cars were letting him in (shock!). I assumed he was going to go so I started to go. He stopped and I tapped the back of his bumper. He then got out of the car and told me I had a problem and called me an obscenity. I was so stunned that I did not say that I did not bump him on purpose. He assumed I bumped him on purpose! Honestly, I cannot imagine. I am sure he is blogging right this minute about the maniac who hit him while entering the tunnel.

I made it back to the hotel with NO MISTAKES, no wrong one-way streets, very smooth sailing. I felt like and NYC driving pro. Gregory wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History. We hopped on the subway, Gregory did great with the steps and I had been rather concerned. The subway arrives underground directly at the entrance at the basement of the museum. I was expecting to walk a few blocks to the entrance so that was a real treat. I paid a reasonable entry fee of $43 for the 4 of us to get in.

There are 4 floors of exhibits and like 40 rooms. We started in Dinosaurs. Gregory was off his rocker with joy.








I was there last in Kindergarten, like uh, 40 years ago. Things are a bit different. All I remember is the T-Rex, so it was great that we began in the T-Rex room. But somehow it was not how I remembered it at all. The T-Rex looked vaguely familiar in a big, big way, but something was off. It turns out that they took him apart, one piece at a time, a remounted him on the ceiling. His tail used to be dragging along the floor, and now it is up in the air, and looks like it could do some serious damage. About the time we hit the 3rd dinosaur room was when it started to hit me how immense this place is.

The Museum and Planetarium facilities consist of 45 permanent exhibition halls housed in 25 interconnected buildings, including the Rose Center for Earth and Space, totaling 1.6 million square feet on an 18-acre campus on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Yes, 45 exhibition halls. Each one JAMMED packed with unbelievable stuff. It is NOT possible to see it in one or two days. If I lived in New York, I would get a membership and take my time until I was done. Of the 45 rooms, we saw perhaps 20. Of those maybe only 5 in depth. And we were there for 4 hours. After I got home and did some research, I could kick myself for not going into the Hall of Human Origins. This is a brand new exhibit featuring Lucy and lots of ape-men and hominid ancestors.

After 3 hours of looking, we were starving. A sandwich at the museum cafeteria was $9. It was just a plain sandwich. In the interest of budget, I bought 2 sandwiches, 2 bananas and 2 drinks for $27.

There was a huge section of the Mark Twain tree with a historical timeline along its yearly rings. Foresters cut down this tree in the late 1800’s. It is 90 feet in diameter. It took 13 days to cut it down with a handsaw. The tree dates from 1300AD.

The taxidermy animals and birds were a lot more interesting than they might sound. Each species is set in a showcase glass diorama, with a background of its natural habitat. The birds, for example, are types you would never see in nature up close or in a zoo, so it is awesome to see them. Yes, the poor things are stuffed. They are arranged in unique and educational poses. There are about 500 of these. We really liked the “mammals of new york city” exhibit which featured stuffed bats and mice and rats of every size!

The new Oceans exhibit was 2 stories, with a LIFE SIZED blue whale hanging from the ceiling. The rooms went on and on an on.


Blue Whale

I have been to New York City so many times as an adult and it has never occurred to me to check out the Museum of Natural History. How could I be so stupid? It took Gregory to beg me to take him! I will be back on my next visit to see the meteorite and my ape men relatives.

Leaving the museum, we walked down Central Park West to Lincoln Center. The same architect responsible for SUNY Albany also designed Lincoln Center! Will wonders never cease. I took this time to ask a passer-by “How do you get to the Met?” But no one got the joke. After a bit, my kids finally got it, but the flower salesman didn't (never mind).


How do you get to the Met?


Then we took a cab to Times Square.


Times Square

At Times Square we met some rappers and they were nice but shysters. I bought 2 CD’s from them.



Shyster Rappers

We went into Toys R Us. Gregory was off his rocker with happiness over the giant dinosaur from Jurassic Park thing.

We went over to Rockefeller Center and St. Patrick’s Cathedral. The to see the famous lions on the steps of the New York Public Library.


"Artsy" picture of St. Pat's



Library Lions

Then we walked back to Times Square to take the subway back down to Lower Manhattan. We rested in the hotel for about 20 minutes and then walked to the South Street Seaport for dinner.

Brooklyn Bridge from South Street Seaport

Let me be YOUR Driving Instructor!

My 15 year old got his learner's permit this week. Last night we had our first lesson.

Of course, I am the perfect person to learn to drive from. In the past 6 months I have had only 2 speeding tickets, scraped up against only one very narrow wall, tapped only one Newjerseyite's bumper, ran into only one metal stake (see below), got white paint on the car and took a chunk out of the garage siding only once, and had one tiny teeny fender bender.
The Training Vehicle - note minor bumper and hood damage

I was very serious and explained how to buckle up, put the car in park, put your foot on the brake and then tear out and see if you can pop a few wheelies.

Trip to New York: First day in Manhattan

The blog entries about the trip will feature one or two days at a time because so much happened. They will also be posted out of order. This is about our first day in Manhattan, which was on the 6th day of the trip.

First Day in Manhattan

I arrived in our hotel, the Holiday Inn Wall Street District, totally frazzled. I thought I had mapped out perfect directions to get us to our hotel. But due to getting turned around on one-way streets and dead-ends and street closings, I got very frustrated just trying to go the last few blocks. Of course I had to pee like mad! The worst part was when we actually arrived on the street of the hotel, yet could not see it. The person I asked had no idea and it turns out he was standing right in front of it! The hotel was buried under tons of scaffolding, camouflaging the sign. The hotel seemed like it was in an alley, because in that part of the city, the streets are so old and they were never widened and are the original width from the horse and carriage days. Also the hotel is on the corner underneath 2 streets of complete scaffolding. I was unable to locate the parking garage where we would get our hotel guest “discount rate”. I was so exhausted that I pulled into a garage near the hotel- while trying to make a sharp left turn into a small entry way, I hit the wall and damaged the car. I was thrown out of that garage, entered a second garage only to be told that was not the right one either, to drive around the block! I nearly had a nervous breakdown at the thought of driving around the block! The discount on the garage was $40 a night because he said it was $10 extra due to the “SUV”. Okay, whatever, nothing like being ripped off. I was a little upset about the location but soon came to love that part of the city, once we figured out where we were, on Gold Street on the corner of Platte Street.

The boys immediately started asking me about the scaffolding. It seems it is all over NYC, especially in lower Manhattan. I asked around and it turns out that any time you want to replace a brick, you need to put up a scaffold. Also when the older buildings are cleaned or the facades restored, it is a very slow tedious job.

We took a walk around Wall Street area and saw the New York Stock Exchange, City Hall, Bowling Green, and Battery Park.


FAMOUS WALL STREET BULL STATUE


NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE


NEW YORK COURTHOUSE

I bought 3 sausage and pepper heroes and one Snapple from a street vendor for $22. We scarfed those down sitting in Battery Park on a bench. We had seen the Statue of Liberty up close 4 years ago on our last trip, so we did not take the boat ride. Instead we looked closely at the Monument to the World War II Dead in the park.


BATTERY PARK WORLD WAR II MEMORIAL


Then we went to see Trinity Church and very old graveyard- the boys did not seem too thrilled about the graveyard but I thought it was way cool.


TRINITY CHURCH GRAVEYARD

Then we went up to the World Trade Center site, which is nothing much to see since it is of course a construction site. I know they appreciated seeing where this horrendous tragedy occurred. We could see another building which was still standing and had a lot of damage.

We also stopped in Century 21, a famous New York discount department store. This store is gigantic and packed with shoppers. However, if you do not have a 27-inch waist, do not bother looking for jeans in there! Also the lines for the dressing rooms are at least 30 people long. I decided to try on a few things over my clothes and was scolded by a salesperson. I am sorry but if it is illegal to try things on on the floor, then why don’t you have more than 2 dressing rooms for the gazillions of shoppers?

Then we took the subway up to Chinatown. We got on an Express instead of a Local, which didn’t stop at Canal Street. However, I quickly figured out my mistake and was able to get off the train and turn us around. We were meeting our friends for dinner in Chinatown on Pell Street. We took our time walking around Chinatown. Last time I was in the city it was all Prada, Gucci and Kate Spade fakes. Now those brands are nowhere to be found, having been replaced by Dolce and Gabbana everything. I bought myself a glamorous pair of Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses for $8- you really cannot beat that! They are top of the line, I wonder why they feel like they are about to break? My sons and I were a bit surprised that every single shop on Canal street has the same inventory: sunglasses, handbags, watches, and backscratchers. More than once I was approached by a man saying “handbag, miss?”. I bet they had the really good fake bags!

We then walked through Little Italy, which I love. I wanted to buy some Va Fa in Culo Stronzo T-Shirts but I controlled my urge. I like the way they have demarcated Little Italy now with all the fire hydrants, street signs etc painted in red, white and green.






Then we tried to find the restaurant, Joe Shanghai’s on Pell Street. My map was so small that I got confused and walked 10 blocks in the wrong direction. Although my feet didn’t appreciate it, I think my boys did get to see native Chinese New Yorkers mad scramble to buy fresh fish of all sorts for their dinner. All sorts of fish that one does not usually see at Kroger.



Dinner was excellent featuring Joe Shanghai’s world famous soup dumplings. We had, I don’t know, maybe 7 servings of these. The soup is inside the dumpling. There is a very particular way to eat them so you get to drink the soup.


Uncle H was in his usual form, ordering every single thing on the menu, which my kids get a total kick out of. He had them try quail, which they had never eaten before. The food was really awesome, thanks to Isabella for making such a great choice!




After dinner we went to Little Italy for cannolis. Andrew said that he remembered every single cannoli he has ever eaten in his life, because he has only ever eaten two. Now I felt like the worst parent ever, what a deprived childhood. We took a cab with Uncle H back home. He explained to the boys what tenements were and other interesting tidbits about the history of New York.

Squeezing Blood from a Stone

EBay has a new feedback rating system! I think they have forgotten who pays their bills: The Sellers. There was nothing wrong with the old system. But ebay has decided to keep the old system of Positive-Neutral-Negative with room for a comment and in addition ADD a 5 Star Rating system when Buyers can ANONYMOUSLY give the seller Stars in four categories.

Part of being a good seller is making things right. When a buyer anonymously decides that he is unhappy, and leaves one star out of five, and leave positive under the old system, how can you make it right? You don't even know who left it or why!

And there is no 5 Star system to anonymously rate BUYERS. Only sellers can be punished under the new system. I think eBay forgets its origin and who sends them money!

Here I will analyze each of the four Star Rating categories and why it makes it very absurd to do business.

Category 1: Item As Described
The item may be as described but not exactly what you expected. This is common with clothes where a photo and a verbal desciption cannot convey the exact and actual feel and weight and color of the garment. You may have had another idea of the item in your head, and although the item was exactly as descibed in the auction, you are disappointed so punish the seller in this area by giving less than 5 stars.

Category 2: Communication:
I used to send a personal email to all the buyers at the end of the auction. Now ebay and paypal have automated everything, giving me extra time. The buyer gets 3 or 4 emails with a "personal" message from me in the text. Shall I go back to personal emails so I can get 5 stars under communication? Also it is common to get "Question for Seller from Buyer" while the auction is under weigh. If I am not on email 24 hours a day, it may take 12-16 hours to answer the questions. Shall I worry about checking my email more?

Category 3: Shipping Time:
Frankly I ship almost daily and promptly so I do not understand why I only have 4 1/2 stars out of 5 in this category. When people pay on Friday night, I do not send it until Monday. Most people are thrilled because unlike buying from Amazon or another online company, with priority mail they have item in hand 2-3 days after they pay for it.

Why am I losing stars in this category? I think that since 20% of my business is international, it must be the international buyers annoyed with how slow their nation's postal service is. I cannot do anything more than get the box in the mail ASAP. Although I admit when I know I have a few international packages, I wait (no more than one day) for all the payments to come through before shipping. The reason is that international shipments require me to wait on line- unlike domestic packages, I cannot print the postage online and drop the package off. I must get on line at the post office, wait my turn, fill out a Customs slip and be waited on by a clerk and pay the postage there. I drop all the USA boxes off without waiting in line or speaking to anyone. If I have 3 international packages, I would rather wait in line and do them all at once, rather than go 3 times. Not to mention that with the gas prices, it makes sense to combine trips. So sometimes I do wait a day or 2 until all of those come in. Plus I cannot use the US domestic shipping boxes: international shipping requires I provide my own box. Sometimes I have to search around awhile, and the packaging also takes more time. Now I have to add extra stress trying to rush out the second I get an international payment in order to avoid a bad star rating. Even though, if their customs office holds it up, they will lay the blame on me. I sent a dress to Russia and apparently it took 3 weeks. I sent it right out and it was not my fault. I also had a buyer from AUSTRALIA (on the other side of the world) complain to me after only 8 days that his package had not arrived yet, what did I do with it?

Category 4: Shipping and Handling charges:
Who is going to leave 5 stars for shipping and handling charges unless they get it for free or for less than the cost of shipping? Nobody! I see how this rating can punish those sellers who blatantly charge 4 times what it costs them. However, the buyer can always see very, very clearly how much shipping is and avoid buying from those sellers. To add insult to injury, the US Postal Service has again increase priority mail rates. On a flat rate box, which I send the suits it, it has gone up a dollar. On the under one pound box, which I send the pants in, it has gone up 55 cents. I don't dare pass this cost on to the buyers, because I will get a bad star rating in this category. I figured that do to the combination of the postal increase and the star rating, with my volume this will cost me $50-$80 a month in lowered profits. I have 4 stars out of 5 for shipping and handling fees now, when I only add about 50 cents to $1 to the actual cost of shipping. And when I ship to California I actually lose money. I used to not add any handling, but when ebay and paypal upped their fees to me by a huge margin for the second time in a year I had no choice. My profit margin became so low that I had to make 50 cents or so on the shipping in order to keep making money.

Another reason I am failing miserably in this category is the Canadians. They feel that shipping should be the same as to ship to the US- if not less- if not free. I have explained to countless Canadians that there order requires 3 times more work than a domestic order and costs more. A lot of them try to get away with adding the US price to their order hoping I won't notice when it says in HUGE red letters what their shipping price is. They also want me to lie on the Customs Form, but that is stuff for another blog entry.

Now if I up my shipping rates even to cover the cost, it is going to look too expensive for a buyer to want to bid on the item. Every time there is a shipping increase, I wind up selling my items for much lower prices.

I feel like between eBay and the US Postal service, the honest seller is being squeezed out of any sort of profit. Not to mention gas prices and now I have to make extra trips to the post office instead of waiting an extra day to combine shipments.

Since the star rating just started I was hoping maybe I would look better than the bad sellers at least: that 4 1/2 stars is actually outstanding. Until I started looking around at other sellers' feedbacks vs. Star ratings. Check this out:

Recent Feedback Ratings (last 12 months)

Positive
8138 - past month
62088 -past 6 months
114243 - past year

Neutral
102 -past month
715 - past 6 months
1367 - past year

Negative
119 - past month
860 - past 6 months
1562 - past year

One of the WORST sellers on eBay with 119 negatives A MONTH?? Isn't that about FOUR per day? And neutrals are just people too nice to give a negative but he has anohter 102 neutrals per month. Yes, I see he had 8000 happy customers in the past month. Wait a minute! Red flag, how does anyone keep track of 10,000 transactions a month without messing up a few every day? I won't by from these megasellers. Also their communication is atrocious. If you have a problem, good luck getting a person. The real kicker is that his STAR rating is essentially exactly the same as mine. Why would anyone buy from this seller? Yet his stars look identical to mine! The star rating system isn't flushing out the losers. It is just giving me angst. Stupid buyers will always buy from bad sellers and no worry that 4 transactions a day go sour. I had 3 transactions go sour in 7 years! True I only had 10,000 transactions total.

I need to come up with a new racket.

The Latest Catastrope

This is why a camera phone comes in handy. So I dropped my son at baseball practice and was driving home and I hit this-- sticking out in the road:



It is some type of stake to hold up a silt fence:

I hear something like a blown tire and pull over and I see this:




It also scratched some paint off the car:



A friend came to help and said I should call the police to get a police report about a hazard in the road. So the police in the area where it happened are the meanest on earth I really didnt want to. But he came and wrote up a report and said that it was the County D.O.T. who left the hazard that I should call them. I am glad I had my cell phone camera. I just do not have the energy to call them. It's just another big headache.

In Memory of Paul

BIKE PAUL
1971-2007
Rest in Peace

I changed the words a bit to a song I really love that for some reason reminds me of Paul. The original song is about feeling like a misfit and not fitting in with all the cool people. It specifically talks about rock and rollers. Paul was not a rock & roller but he did rock and roll that bike! It is about healing. They lift up their hands in celebration of healing, friendship and love.

Rain falls hard
Burns dry
A dream
Or a song
That hits you so hard
Filling you up
And suddenly gone

Breath
Feel
Love
Give
Free
Know in you soul
Like your blood knows the way
From you heart to your brain
Know that you're whole

And you're shining
Like the brightest bars
A transmission
On the midnight skate & roll
And you're spinning
Like a 360
Stunt bike rider
Spinning to your bike and roll

Here's to Bike Paul
And Skating
And Fixing
And David
And Wheelies
And Paul
And Sam

And all the strange bike skate rollers
You know you're doing all right
So hold on to each other
You gotta hold on tonight

And you're shining
Like the brightest handle bars
A transmission
On the midnight skate and roll
And you're spinning
Your new 180's


All the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you're skate bike rollers
Spinning to your bike and roll

So hold on to each other
You gotta hold on tonight

Lift up your hands
Lift up your hands
Lift up your hands

25 years of Giacomo

I recently got an email from an old friend in Italy. He had been missing for 3 years. I was really starting to worry since we have kept in very good touch since we met in 1982. I realized that means that we have been friends for 25 years!

I met Giacomo in Rome when I was visiting Italy in the summer of 1982 with my good friend H. I returned the following summer, 1983, and met up with Giacomo again. This time he was in Trapani, Sicily, where his family lives. I traveled to Sicily to tour, since I had never been there, and also decided to visit him.

I really enjoyed the week I spent in Trapani, which is about an hour South of Palermo, along the coast. I had the pleasure of meeting his friends, parents and brothers. I enjoyed that the entire family had a delicious lunch together every day prepared by Giacomo’s mother. Never mind that him and brothers were all adults. I adored this tradition of having a huge family meal together in the afternoon, more like our dinner, followed by a siesta. This break from work in the hottest part of the day makes sense to me!

While in Trapani I stayed in a small pensione called Hotel Miramare, which means "facing the sea". We all joked it should have been called Hotel Mira all'Angolo because it really faced the street corner, with no view of the sea in sight.

I also met a lot of his friends while there. I enjoyed the friendliness of the Sicilian women. Every time I have been in Rome, or any other large Italian city, the Italian females have been less than friendly. In fact my friend Lisa and I have come up with a phrase to describe the look we got from the Italian women: “Sguarda di Morte” or “The Death Stare”. This is a look only Italian women can really do properly. They look at you blankly without seeing you; look right through you and with this one non-look you get the message. The Italian Death Stare lets you know that they are far superior to you in every way; far more sexy; far more fashionable; and look far better with their hair uncombed and unwashed that you look with your clean, combed hair; much more able to look sexy with armpit hair than you ever will; and would banish you from their country and from speaking to their men forever. However, while visiting Sicily, the women and girls were nothing but sweet and friendly and chatty to me. I did not get one Death Stare my whole visit to that island. I appreciated finally being able to have a conversation with a person of my gender. They were all very kind.

I had taken the train from Rome to Sicily, stopping at the Lipari Islands, Toarmina, and Siracusa, before taking a cross-island bus to Palermo and then a train to Trapani. Since Giacomo works for Alitalia, he was able to find me a flight from Trapani back to Rome for the same price as taking the train. The flight is only an hour, so I decided to take the plane. I had been paying for a hotel room in Rome during my 2-week sojourn to Sicily. Since single rooms were hard to come by and I had found a sweet deal in the historical center of Rome, for a ridiculous rate of about $20 per night, I paid for the room before I left, and kept a lot of my stuff there. I truly did feel like an expatriate.

This is when Giacomo and his 3 friends and I decided to make this photo shoot. I was leaving and they were very sad to see me go.

GIACOMO AND I AT THE TRAPANI AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER:



(Note the cigarette in my hand!)


GIACOMO AND DOMENICO WIPING TEARS FROM MY EYES:



MICHELE, DOMENICO, GIACOME AND UGO WAVING "ARRIVEDERCI" WITH THEIR HANKIES:



MY DRAMATIC CIAO AS I RUN TO MY PLANE. NOTE UGO DOUBLED OVER IN PAIN:

Why I won't keep moving and my daily brush with death

About a year ago, I got pulled over by a policeman because I didn't keep moving at a "Keep Moving" sign. The sign is right near the Gwinnett County Police Headquarters, so the cops are constantly coming through there. I think he was really annoyed that yet another stupid driver couldn't read. I didn't get a ticket, just a lecture.

I got stopped at the corner of GA HWY 20 where it meets Hwy 316. I was attempting to turn right onto 316 and I waited and stopped until it was clear before pulling out. The cars were going about 65 mph. I basically was yielding to oncoming traffic. The policeman was furious and said that I was holding up traffic because I should have kept moving. I am not sure about the rollout lane at that intersection, but it kind of bothered me to be yelled out for not wanting to risk my life.

The first time I saw one of these signs, it made complete sense. You thought you were merging into traffic as you turned right, but there was actually the beginning of a brand new lane, all for you, to enter. So by keeping moving, you were keeping traffic flowing, but most of all, it was there to let you know that you didn't have to stop and merge because there was another lane!

Some recent new roads near my house have installed two of these Keep Moving signs which are infuriating me because:

IF I KEEP MOVING IN THE KEEP MOVINGS I AM GOING TO GET CREAMED!!


The Keep Moving near my house does not drop you into a new lane, rather after only 10 feet you have to merge into oncoming traffic going at least 55 mph. If I keep moving, I am going to get hit. I have to stop and wait, I have no choice. I can keep moving another 10 feet, basically one car length, but then I will have to stop and wait to merge. Why did they put this sign up instead of a Yeild? It's useless but makes me feel like I am disrepecting the traffic laws. There is also another one close to my house- both of these intersections are relatively new, they were built in the past 2 years. In the other one, you have more of a lane, about 50 feet, or 3 car lengths, but then you are forced to stop and wait to merge. So who cares if you stop at the corner and wait to merge or move down 50 feet and stop and wait to merge? What is the point?




ETA: I tried to find an image of one of these signs to no avail. I googled for a few hours trying to find information or anything on a Keep Moving sign. It must be purely a Georgia thing. Or else it is just a Gwinnett County thing. Since it seems to be a rare and unusual traffic sign, why are there 2 of them within 2 miles of my house? Is some idiot in charge around here in love with them?

Better Known as "The Yard"

Or the Definitive Mostly True History of the Yonkers Cats' Names

My grandmother was known as the “Crazy Cat Lady of Yonkers”. She fed a lot of stray cats that came to her back door until she died in August 2004. There were always plates of cat food on her back stoop. The cats usually came around at night. She worried about those outside cats. If she went away for the weekend, she found someone to feed them. She also fed cats that lived in places where she often went. There were some stray cats living in the parking lot of the hospital where she volunteered. She fed these cats and worried about them. In fact, this is an excerpt from her eulogy, written by my cousin Thalia:

She also fed countless stray cats over the years (adopting as many as her house could hold and providing a backyard buffet for the others.) One of my lasting memories of her is from a Christmas morning when she was in her eighties (and still driving.) There was an enormous blizzard and some people were not sure about driving to our family Christmas gathering. For Grandma, there was no question about that. She would go to church and she would be with family; it could not be Christmas without either one. But first there was one more vitally important thing to do; so she drove through the swirling snow to the hospital parking lot to be sure that the stray cats there would have their Christmas breakfast!

But my grandfather was in charge of naming the cats. The cats that were lucky enough to become their housecats were christened with unusual names. The first cat belonged to my Aunt Gina while she was growing up. She was a big tabby and lived a long time, I think almost 16 years. So after my Aunt married and moved out, she was still there when I was a kid. We thought she was mean, but she just was not used to having a bunch of children underfoot. Her name was YATTA. We all pronounced it as “Yadda” because New Yorkers are not ones to pronounce a double letter “T” when it is in the middle of a word. For example “spaghetti” is “spagheddi”, no? My grandfather told me that Yatta was Italian for cat. When I was in High School and taking Italian class, I learned that actually GATTO means cat, not Yatta! Eventually I was able to clear this up in my own brain so therefore I shall explain how this came to be:

The Italian word for Cat is “Gatto” (with a soft G as in Gate). Sicilian dialect or regional pronunciation would pronounce an initial “G” as our “Y” sound in English. In Italian the final vowel is an “O” or an “A” depending on its gender. Yatta was a female so the “O” from Gatto had to become an “A”.

Etymology of Yatta: From the Italian of Dante to American-Italian:

Gatto->Yatto->Yatta->Yadda

The next cat taken in was found in the basement of my grandfather’s office. This poor thing had been abused: her hair had been shaved and teenagers tortured her. My grandmother heard her cries. My grandmother brought her home and nursed her back to health. She was a gray and white cat. That cat was named Yattarina. “Ina” on the end of a noun or adjective in Italian is a diminutive, which and gives the word the connotation of “Little” or “sweet”. I am sure some of you have heard the word “Panino” which means small sandwich. That is the diminuative of the word “Pane” bread, so it means “Small Bread”. Therefore Yattarina meant Little Yatta or Little Cat. After Yattarina died, one day another cat followed my grandmother home! Cats just knew to follow her home; she was like that. She had a certain gentle way with all creatures, especially children and animals, and the animals were drawn to her. That cat was named Yatterina the Second.


Eventually one of the cats that was being fed on the back porch would never leave. He just kept hanging around in the yard, looking pitiful. They decided to give him a permanent home. My grandfather promptly named this cat “Yardello” meaning “The Yard”. Actually this is a great example of a made up fun word, because the word Yardello is not really an Italian word. My grandfather would say “We found him in the Yard” and then say “here comes Yardello, better known as (pause): “The Yard”. That cracked me up then and cracks me up now!

Then there was another cat added to the family. This one was all black and she was named Carbonia, which is a derivation essentially meaning, “coal” or “blacky”. I think my grandfather had a soft spot for this one, because he gave her a middle name. It was Cipoduccia pronounced “Sheepadutza”. He told me this meant “Little onion” and that Carbonia Cipoduccia meant “Little Black Onion”. After I got my degree in Italian I was able to figure out how he arrived at Cipoduccia. Any Italian scholars out there, correct me if I am wrong. This is mere speculation:

Cipolla is onion. Cipoda or something similar must be Sicilian for onion. “Uccio” is another suffix, (the same as “ina” described above) to indicate smallness or to express affection or endearment. So really Cipoduccia is Sicilian for “cute little onion”.

Etymology of Carbonia Sheepoducha

Carbonia= Little Black Coal
Cipolla->Cipoda-> Cipoda + Uccia ->Cipoduccia

According to my cousin, there was another cat named Carbonia the Second, who was also black. My cousin named him in honor of the first Carbonia, who was a very sweet thing. However, reusing names doesn’t mean the creativity was drying up. On the contrary!

The next cat to join the clan was the unfortunately named Crucificia. This word means crucifix in Italian. Why did he name this cat Crucifix? After all, she didn’t have any crucifix-like traits. He told me that in Italy, Crucificia, although it means Crucifix, is also a woman’s name. He had an Aunt Crucificia who was very ugly. So hideously ugly that she scared him. The cat was also quite brutally ugly, and therefore this ugly cat reminded him of his ugly Aunt Crucificia! He would say, “here comes Crucificia, who reminds me of my ugly old Aunt Crucificia in Sicily”!

As you can imagine, taking the cats to the vet was a challenge. My grandmother used to have a tough time answering the question “What is your cat’s name?”

At some point there were several litters of kittens. From one of these litters, a few cats were adopted. My grandfather, Master Cat Namer Extraordinaire, was still at it. One cat was solid black so she became “Blacktonia”, another made up Italian-English word. The other cat was orange, so he named her “Rustoleum”, you know, Rusty for short! There is a product called Rustoleum that you can find in Home Depot for rust removal. There they were, Blacktonia and Rustoleum, or Blacky and Rusty living the high life in their home. There was a third one in the same litter that died as a kitten that Grandpa called "Cuto McGlintock" because he was cute. I do believe my grandfather got a kick out of language. He got a kick out of this product called Rustoleum. He enjoyed unusual words and liked making up his own words and rhymes, which will be the subject of a future blog entry.

There was another cat hanging around that my grandmother always called “the strange one”. In Italian the word for “Strange” also has the connotation of “foreign” or not known more than odd. I think when she was calling this cat “The Strange One”, she meant it more that they didn’t know it. My grandfather then started calling him “Strunyatta”, literately “Strange Cat”. Or here comes The Strunyatta, better known as "The Strange One". I am not sure if they ever let that one in.

Family historians, please email me if you can correct or update any of the above information. I am sure some of this is incorrect, except I think I have the names right, as I have told this story countless times, to amuse folks at parties. However, the dates, the sexes of the cats, the circumstances surrounding their adoption may be off. The only thing I am 100% certain of is that Yardello, better known as “The Yard” was found in the yard.

Get Rich Quick! EBay for Morons!

I got a call last night from a woman who was asking me about selling on eBay. She really didn’t want to listen to what I had to say. All she kept asking me was “Can you make a lot of money on eBay”? “Do people make a lot of money of eBay"? "Can I make $1000 a month in my spare time"?

Yes, some people make a lot of money on EBay, however they work their butts off. Their homes are overrun with boxes and boxes of merchandise. They put in 80-hour weeks. After 5 years of working in the same sector, they do have some short cuts and secrets and can do quite well. Some people make a decent amount of money working about 40 hours a week. However no one makes a boatload of money sitting back doing nothing. As with anything else, you can’t get something for nothing. Like any other profession, not everyone is suited to it. It requires a certain aptitude. I know a guy who makes 150K a year selling computer systems to big companies. Hmmm, if I did that, I’d make 150K a year too! Actually, I would rather stick needles in my eyeballs than make cold calls. I hate the idea of selling face-to-face or over the phone. The people on the other end of the phone would also hate me! That type of sales requires a certain type of likeable personality, a nice sounding voice, persistence, and sales talent that very few people possess. I had 2 friends who went into this type of sales, because they heard that it would put them on easy street, when they the wrong personality for it; they both went into heavy debt.

The same can be said for the stock market. Just because some people become millionaires in the stock market, doesn’t mean we all have the talent for it, or we all would be! Some people do very well owning a restaurant. Does that mean that everyone would be successful in running a restaurant? I think it takes certain know-how, and an excellent understanding about advertising, location, food, atmosphere, menus, customers, pricing, staffing etc. It’s common knowledge that even though a restaurant can sell an entrée for $20 when the ingredients only cost $3, that lots of restaurants fail.

For some reason though, everyone thinks that possessing know-how, aptitude and specific skills are not required to be successful on eBay.

It takes a lot of time to learn the eBay ropes, to work and learn through trial and error. It takes a lot of marketing know-how to convince buyers to buy from you instead of the 50 other sellers selling the same thing. A successful eBay seller understands pricing, marketing, and market research. They have a talent for customer service, digital photography, writing ads, organization, promotions, computer skills, and multi-tasking.

50% of the listings on eBay do not sell! This means that the people putting up their auction are making some kind of mistake. It could be their price is too high; it could be their photo is horrible; it could be there is zero demand for their product; it could be the market is flooded. I sell 95% of my listings. I sell at the highest price I can possibly get but it also has to be low enough that someone is willing to pay it. Easier said than done. Every time something is listed and doesnt sell, eBay takes a few dollars, so it is waste to list something for sale and not have it sell. Pricing right is an art. On ebay there is also a choice of format, a choice or how long to list something (1 day, 3 days, 5 days, 7 days or 10 days?). There are all kinds of options- knowing the pros and cons of each of the options can make or break an auction.

How does one get started? The biggest hurdle is locating a product to sell. If it were possible to buy brand new ipods for $50 and sell them for $200, then everyone would be doing it. This type of deal does not exist. Before getting started, it is necessary to find a source that sells items cheaper than they sell for on eBay. This is extremely hard because eBay shoppers want the items discounted and eBay takes quite a cut. It is necessary to not only find an item at a price that will bring a profit, but you also have to find something people want to buy. You can buy 500 pairs of bright gold basketball shorts for only 50 cents apiece, but is there a demand for them? Why are they being sold so cheap? Usually it is because department store leftovers were ordering mistakes: the styles or sizes didn’t sell. The department store buyer miscalculated the demand for a particular item. If they didn’t sell on the 75% clearance rack at Target, it is not going to sell on eBay.

But the universal desire to “get rich quick” has spawned a whole industry of people willing to teach you how for a price. They promise huge profits for no work. They promise secret lists of sources, drop shippers, wholesalers and suppliers. Like any good scam, they tap into the emotions and popular notion that you can start your own business and make good money in your spare time from home for very little work. It is very similar to “Make Money in Real Estate for No Money Down”! Lots of people are now aware of that whole scam, but when it comes to eBay, they are not. Most of these resourceful scammers (maybe I shouldn’t call them scammers, they are actually pretty smart making themselves rich) are selling the items for more than you can sell them on eBay. I took a free trial on one of these sites. Every single thing they pointed you to was either not at all in demand on eBay or else eBay was flooded with these things by other poor souls purchasing it from them already.

Some of them are selling “pallets”, where you purchase one to two tons (literally) of merchandise, sight unseen, without an inventory list. These pallets contain department store returns or stuff that didn’t sell. You have no clue what you are buying or if you can make any money.

Since eBay is a business that you can start on your own, without consulting anyone and that does not require a whole bunch of capital, it makes people think that anyone can be successful at it. In fact I started out just selling stuff I had around the house and anyone can do that. I wish eBay were around when my kids were babies because it would have been a good way to make extra income selling their outgrown clothes and toys. Even that no longer has much money in it though! Every single stay-at-home mom is selling her children’s clothes on eBay so there is a huge supply. And as learned in Economics 101 when supply outweighs demand, prices plummet. Unless you have something very sought after, it is hardly worth selling used children’s clothing anymore. In 2000 and 2001, when eBay was newer and less moms were at it, I could sell a child’s outfit for $10 and that same outfit today is only selling for $2.

This blog rant was caused by that crazy woman calling me last night, who had the idea that she could come home from work, put in an hour or two in each night and make $1000 a month. I hear this constantly and it is starting to get on my nerves.

Hedwig and the angry inch - Origin of love

I love this song. Great scene from a great movie.

Bod Man

Two of my sons, ages 12 and 14, bought some Bod Man. This is a manly deodorant spray. It costs $7.99 for an 8-ounce bottle! On the bottle, underneath Bod Man, it says "Really Ripped Abs". When I mentioned that it might take more than spraying this stuff on your stomach to get really ripped abs, they explained that was the flavor. I guess if you spray this on you smell like beer and sweat. Teenage boys are the target market for these body sprays, such as Axe and Bod Man, and apparently they are selling millions of them. My sons claim it will help them "get girls". I try to explain they are being conned but to no avail. Hey, Moe Beers, maybe Bod Man Really Ripped Abs is just the ticket!

Spinal Tap Reunion, 1992

Ignore Martha Quinn, but the rest is pretty funny. Nigel in his inventing shed, David and Jeanine at the Drippery with Graham Nash, and Derek driving with dad, Donald Duck-Smalls, around Nilford.

Ladder Act - CORTEO (Cirque du Soleil)

This gives an idea of the angels flying around. This guy did unbelievable things with this ladder!

Cirque du Soleil: Corteo

I went to see this last night. This is the type of experience that cannot be described properly in words because it is totally sensual. It is so much more than incredible acrobatic tricks because you are enveloped by the music, the colors, the textures, the costumes, the lights and the mood. I especially enjoyed the colors: it was a muted maroon, turqoise, pink, teal and gold palette.

When we arrived there was a gorgeous see-through screen set up. It was reminiscent of Italy, of the Italian Renaissance with cherubs.
This is not a very good picture, but hopefully it gives the idea:



The stage was in the center, set up in a horseshoe shape- not quite theatre in the round, rather the crowd was on opposite sides of the stage. I liked this set-up much better than previous Cirque's I have seen.

The story simply is a clown is imaging his own funeral. He is sort of a buffoon, a silly overgrown kid. His bed is on the stage when the angels come to take him up to heaven. There is a procession (Corteo) of his life, lived and things hoped for. Angels, looking like those that sit on top of Christmas trees are floating through the air the whole show.


One of the first breathtaking acts was beautiful gymnastics and dance taking place on elegant candle chandeliers:








Soon after more beds appeared on the stage. These were special beds because they had trampolines hidden in them. A pillow fight and pajama party took place, but it was a fantasy pillow fight. The acrobats were wearing adorable pajama costumes. The tricks seemed unlike anything humans could pull off. I used to do quite a bit of trampoline, and the proximity of the headboards on either end made these tricks much more difficult. For anyone who knows gymnastics terms, "traveling" was a huge no-no or the head would be smashed by the headboard. I truly loved this act! It was so much fun with perfect musical accompaniment.






Afterwards were more beautiful dancing, angels coming down from the sky. Men jumping into the air flipping on a see-saw or teeterboard. That was also quite scary as they would land the double flips on the end of the board! Then they had the "Cyr" act which is giant hula-hoops that the performers get in and roll around the stage. There was a constant stream of amazing acts, yet it was comical with midgets, giants, clowns and all sorts of silliness.

Another mind-boggling thing, that you cannot help but notice, is the bodies on the cast! Mon dieux, it was a sight to see.

I truly love the international flavor of these shows. They use Italian, French, Spanish and English during the show. I was particularly pleased that I understood the few Italian phrases. The songs are in Italian, French, Spanish and a "makeshift" Cirque language. I finally found that was true last night, because it states so on the back of my new CD. On my other Cirque du Soleil CD, Quidam, I suspected that one of the languages was made up, but I was not certain. I spent a long time trying to figure out what language it was: it sounds like a mix of Italian and French but I could tell that it was not real words from those languages. Also the entire cast is very international. They represent Canada, Italy, France, Spain, Russia, Ukraine, Belarus and more. The only people in the cast from the USA are several musicians in the band. I was wondering about why this was, but then it occured to me that any child in the USA who has a talent for acrobatics, would only have the outlet of the sport of gymnastics. In these other countries suppose there places to learn acrobatics and circus acts as well as families with a long history of this type of talent.

There were 2 little people in the show, who absolutely stole the show, Valentyna Paylevanyan and her husband Gregor Paylevanyan from Ukraine. The most unique act of the night was when Valentyna came out held up by a bouquet of helium balloons. Here she is:


They were actually holding her up. There was not enough that she would fly away, but enough to let her float in the air and slowly come down to the floor. The clown pushed her into the air for a bit, then let her out into the audience with instructions to "push her with two hands" if she lands at your seat! I leave you with the video of this video of Valentyna: